My letter to Ellen.

Dear Ellen,

It has come to my attention that several of my friends have written to you about me...I am flattered of course...But not as flattered as I would be if you had actually written me back:)
I assumed once they told me of their "Get Holly on the Ellen Show" mission you would have already heard the banter in your office, leaped over your assistant and dialed the phone yourself.
 Squealing with delight as I answered the phone.

I am neither a thespian or a lesbian although I must admit I have given the later much thought. I am merely a mom. A mom of 5 kids, a wife to a Lieutenant in the Chicago Police Department, a hairdresser, handbag maker, a poet, an artist, a pain in the ass, and an activist. I am insanely cute and infectiously funny. At the very least I have a fan club of 7. Including myself that would be my immediate family.

I am not a celebrity or a rock star in your eyes or the eyes of the masses. But funny enough I became all that and more just 11 short years ago.

I have actually pondered what it would be like for you if you actually birthed a baby- your very own. An ELLEN baby.
I can only imagine that child would be insanely funny, witty, articulate, look fantastic in plain white canvas slip ons and charm their way through any group of beings.
That beautiful blue eyed, toe headed child would probably be born with Down Syndrome.
Why?
Because you see, my youngest was blessed with the extra 21st chromosome. 
And along with his DS friends he is charming, articulate, hilarious, cusses like a truck driver, stubborn as a mule, can flirt like Don Juan, can read and write and shoot 3 pointers. 
He can ignite you with love, honesty and not an ounce of prejudice in him....

He is truly magical in human form.
Ask any parent that has a child who is 'special'.

Something happens to us at their birth.
 We become warriors.
Shy, silent types grow wings and learn to fly and protect their young.
Why?
Because our world has not yet evolved. We appreciate beauty in the form of retouching and photo shop. 

We spend our days hating and wanting and giving so little. 
NOT these kids.
The lesson my son would teach if he was in charge?
To be kind.
To be funny.
To listen.
To sing loudly at every song.
To hold hands, and to kiss even when inappropriate.
He would kiss your boo boo's and hold your hand at any age.
He would make it OK to eat cheezits for breakfast and say hello to strangers. 
He would not judge-
He would just love.

So my dear Ellen what is my wish?

I don't really wanna be on your show. I don't need the 15 minutes of fame. I will sit in the green room. 
Eating chips.
 Probably sobbing my eyes out. 

I want to see an entire stage full of our kids....
YOUR stage.
I want you to dance with our children.
Let them teach you some of their moves.
Elvis didnt actually die my dear- He lives on in every special child.

Showing off who they are.
Showing the world their ability not their disability.
Feature one child a day if you want:)

A child who at 15 just learned to read.
A child that when born the Doctors and nurses told the mom they would never walk, but now they RUN.
A child that's mom heard they will never talk...but now they sing.

So listen Ellen...
I love you, I really do.

And actually you would love me too.

I am a nut....a crazy, funny, warrior nut.
But way more important I am a real mom on a mission to make this a better world.

 Once you open up the eyes of your viewing public to the amazement's of our special kids your audience will be forever changed.

Eleven years ago the Doctors and nurses hung their heads at Nathaniel's arrival to this world. 
They actually told me they were sorry. 

Trust me on this one Ellen,

There is absolutely NOTHING To be sorry about.

I'll be waiting to hear from you. Our suitcases are already packed:)
www.iam-whoiam.com




 

people you should know...

How many times have you thought "how awesome it would be to  meet someone?"
A singer?

A movie star?
The 'bachelor', hahahahah.
I have a few on my list.
None too historic or important for that matter.
Yet- who deems who is important and who is not?
Certainly not me.

Pink tops my list.
I find her voice intoxicating, her bad ass attitude adoring and her passion contagious.
Then there is Ellen DeGeneres, for her obvious witty humor, Her big heart and her ability to live her life, exactly how she chooses to live.

That's really it, my top 2.

Coolest part about the life I am able to live?

The amazing opportunities to meet celebrities.

 Real life rosy cheeked, UN- believable people. People that give me tingles. Make me smile, make me a better person.

They definately make me think.

Yep- I am afforded the opportunity to meet unbelievable people. To engage in conversation and to be forever changed.
I may never get the chance to meet Ellen or dine with Pink. But for today I feel richer.
Way richer.
Let me share a day in the life....

Seriously this young man melted my heart.
 His sweet charm and  manner in which he repeats your words with a simple strong poetic whisper was as beautiful as a lullaby.
 I was truly enamored by meeting this young man. 
No doubt in my mind that he is as handsome as any Leonardo DiCaprio, any where and time. 
Meet Sean a handsome 12 year old brother and a Special Olympic basketball player.
 Loves pizza, hates eggs:) A big fan of Ninja Turtles. 
Sean just so happens to have autism. 
Damn he is an outstanding young and gentle man.

What an amazing spirit Hannah has. 
 Her parents biggest wish?
  "For Hannah to be included."
  So simple right? 
Nope inclusion and acceptance is a difficult reality for all of our kids. 
Easy to assume that someone is calling her or playing with her on the play ground. 
But reality is, Hannah is usually watching others from the sidelines. 
Hannah loves babies, she is such a kind, loving and sweet 14 year old. 
Hannah just so happens to have Tuberous Sclerosis, she also sings at church. She sings, loud and proud with a voice that rivals the angels.

This is Jake. "Jake from State Farm" as I refer to him.  
Jake has the greatest manners I have ever witnessed in any 13 year old.
Sweet, charming, funny and a killer dancer.
He can cut up the dance floor like no other.
Jake has Down Syndrome.
Jake loves to play on his phone, playing games and watching music videos.
Jake is bright, articulate and kind.
Jake is also my friends son.
He is a brother and a friend to my Nate.

This was my Sunday.
A day like no other.
A day that enriched my life.
Sharing stories with parents.
Filling my soul up from their immense pride and their strength.
Funny thing, how gigantic our lives become when we merely open the door to acceptance and understanding. 
It takes a question or an open ear.
We as parents aren't asking for much.
Just a little understanding.
Just a simple smile,
An open door or a gentle hello.

We ask that you take the time to meet our children. 
To stop with your complaints and your worries and for a moment and think about them.
Think,
About their triumphs.
Their struggles,
daily.
But no complaints here.
Just pure radiant pride.
I am who I am...

Listen.

Is anyone really listening?

Once again I sit here, wondering how in the world I got to this place.

 Right here, right now.
 Feeling as happy as a child in the middle of Toys R Us.
Some great news came in yesterday in regards to the future of I am who I am.
Amazing change in the right direction.
I am making this happen. Fighting for whats right.
Every day.

Yet as sad as a child that just lost their puppy.

Terrible analogy for what you are about to read.

Yet mere words at this point are all I have to offer.

You see this week began with a bang. A full blown Holly style amazing technicolor ride to California.
You all know my nirvana is found directly in my friends backyard.

No need for fuss or fancy- Just me, my cup of tea and the sweet smell of the Orange County  air.

Happiness in that exact moment centers me- giving me balance to this crazy life.

The life that we all live, day to day with gigantic ups and downs.
Huge bumps.
 Wrong roads, crazy paths.
 Some hit so hard it takes time to get back up- to recover.

My dear Flight attendant magical friend:)

Damn its been one of those weeks.

A friend gifted me a last minute trip to my happy place.
A last minute run to my Oz.

From fearless and tired to humbled and proud the days were full of memories laced by amazing friends and memories in the making.
Needless to say I ran into old friends.
Ones I had met years ago, for just a moment.
 But they remembered me.

Be who you would like to be.
Be the friend you desire to have.
Be the gift to someone that you need back.
Be good,
Be kind,
Be gentle,
Loving,
Sincere and true.

Give the gift of yourself and watch the magic unfold right before your eyes.

How can someone be that memorable after just sharing a few moments?
Be present.
Give yourself.

My holiday magic!

Your heart.

California is my package to unwrap.

Amazing friends that literally squealed in delight "Holly's here" as I entered the room.
A friend so dear to  me. A real sister even if not for blood.
She actually cried tears of joy as she saw my face.
They thought it was their holiday magic...

But alas it was mine.

All mine.

The trip was a whirlwind full of new and old sights, tastes, giggles and long car rides.
It was entwined with the making of new friends and refreshing the old.

Beth, how did you find ME? In the gigantic Venice Beach area, You warmed my heart. As always. I am touched and humbled.

              The love I had in my pockets as I boarded the plane                                     home was over flowing. 

A tiny tea party years ago was remembered:)

And then in the morning the cold reality of life busted me straight between the eyes.

Friends are our daily gifts.

Seriously, our world can twist and shake.
It certainly can remind you quickly how fragile what we have is.

Love,
Friendship,
Honest moments,
Wrapped in life long memories.


I checked my phone to read that my friend had just been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.

I heard today that another friend just passed away from a car accident.

Did I say enough?
Did I tell them?
Show them?

No do overs.


I am reminded by the cold f n reality as the snow today stings my cheek, only to close my eyes and dream about a life full of just happiness.

Dammit.

I erased my list of wants for this Christmas.

I can do without the kick ass boots form Nordstroms.

This year it will be different.
It must be different.
WE ALL must make a change.

It is my birthday and in need to be celebrated every trip!

I'm exhausted.
I'm broken, but I've got this.

Wish it,
Dream it.
Believe it and make it happen.

If you look, love is everywhere.

LISTEN to me.
Listen to someone.
Listen to yourself,
Your heart...
LOVE.
Give it away this year.
Lots of it,
With reckless abandonment.

Say it twice.
LOUD.
Call the friend you meant to call.
Say you're sorry.
Stick your damn hand out.

Make a difference with what you have.

YOU think you have nothing?

Seriously.

Pity party go away.

You today have more than my friend has.

So far you have this moment to make it all right.

Make it better.
Make the damn change you need to see in your world.
In our world.

I am certainly not Nelson Mandela.
Nor claim to be Mother Theresa.

But I think I get it.
Doesn't mean I don't falter.

But I don't wanna go down alone.
I want you.
All of you, to stay by my side.
Love and live in harmony.
Together.

Don't tell me about the fight you had-
Fix it.

Missing someone.
Tell them.

Fight for what you want what you need.
Get it right this time.

Then give it away.

I'll give you all I have.

Just make sure I get some back.

Its truly the only gift I may ever need.
Happy Holly-Days friends.

We got this.

Live today.

HollyDays 2013

In a months time, so much can change.

Actually it only takes a mere second to completely change your path.
But for me this entire month has been gigantic.


HollyDays 2013 is over...
For now, at least until I begin planning on next years celebration.
What  happened this year has changed my life.
I have been gifted the pleasure of new friends.
Magical people that plan on staying. People that have already left their mark on my soul. People that will change me,and my life, for the better.

Amazing new friends:)

Friends came from far and wide to join me, celebrities took hours off their schedules to join us, contributions and donations were plentiful and beyond generous.


Once again rendering me speechless on the goodness of others.

Mike Parker from the ABC news summed it up beautifully with a note he wrote me days later.

Nathaniel schooling ABC Mike Parker!

"Holly your party was my pleasure to attend.  Your event was a joy and a revelation for me." HOLY COW.
Yes it was a revelation for me too..

It took me a few weeks to swallow the greatness, but yesterday I think I got it.

Micah Mattera WGN serving Martinis!

I understood that we all NEED this place, this celebration, this community and this new way of thinking.
We all need to accept one another as unique individuals.

The amazing Anthony tending bar!

Erase the pre -conceived ideas of our children with special needs and replace with facts.
Say hello, get to know them as individuals and make your very own judgement based on humanity. Kind, giving, loving ways will lead you to a new path of understanding, acceptance and love.

Handsome devil Kenny!

I was asked last week a few questions that has given me sleepless nights.

1.  Where do I want all this to go?
2.  What does happiness look like to me?
3.  crap I forgot #3.

Generosity abound.

I have been overloaded with some friends sadness's as of lately. Some powerful tragedies have occurred that have changed their lives forever.
I have no answers.
Lord knows I am no Mother Theresa, I cannot fix a damn thing.
But I can always offer what has worked for me....
'It is what it is'...
Cry,
scream,
Pray,
Fall down.

Families that have paved our way.

But the only good choice,
The only real choice is to get up.
Small baby steps but get back up.

Merchandise packaged and made by our amazing kids!

What does happiness look like to you?
Think about it..really think.
There's today's happiness, tomorrow's....and what about what it looks like in 20 years.

WGN in the house!!

Today is simple,
I am happy to hold my delicious Chai Latte in my warm hands in my fave cup from Starbucks.

I am anticipating a great meeting and talking with friends that lighten my day.

Amazing friends.

I am happy that I may catch a well needed nap in a few hours.

That each one of my kids are healthy and they love me, and they abundantly know how much I love them.

I am happy that I have a few bucks in my pocket and I may blow it all on myself.

Kelly and her gorgeous hand made jewelry- Special Sparkle!

Today I am happy for my mom, my family, my newly made protein balls  in the fridge- I am happy that my hair is short and it takes me 3 minutes to dry....

PREACH!

See happiness is abound.
Every corner.
But tomorrows happiness??
I have no idea.
Someone asked me last night how I stay so positive.
As most of you know I am Scarlett O'Hara-
 I will think and worry about most stuff tomorrow.

Anthony Forde, David Kennedy- Chicago Special events and the stunning Jen Kramer-President of the Special Olympics!

But I am amazingly talented at putting what needs to go in the box, lid on and tucked tightly under my bed.
I shall open when necessary.
Baby steps if you will.

Nathaniel has changed my life.

Nate ROCKED the house down.

Forever.
Yep- scared of tomorrows happiness as we face so many uncertainties.
But today he was hilarious. Kissing me like a teenager, telling me I am one hot mama and shaking his booty while using my brush as his life's microphone.
Today's happiness.

Let me show you my ability not my disability- I see Hollywood in his near future!

Next question you must ask yourself...

Families that have changed my life:)

Where do I see myself, what does happiness look like in my future.
Seriously.
Don't ask me that again.
Today's all I got.
OK, if I must,

Amazing men that have given of their talent:) Mark one of our amazing photographers.

My body would shrink to high school size, my hair would be Lindsey's length and color, my mind would be clear and not forget where I have just put my keys. My wrinkles would fade and only the twinkle in my eyes would remain.

Reality.
Happiness in my future?

Amy Rutledge and Sean Maroney

To see more smiles around my world.
To fear less and to give more.
To protect those that need protecting, and to honor every human being at every moment.
To live in harmony and stand up for what is right.
To believe that the good will prevail.
To rejoice when the feelings surge and to handle what God lands us with grace and dignity.

When I began I am who I am 2 years ago on my kitchen table I had no idea where I would be today.

Now I can see clearly the effect we have made. The profound yet simple message of acceptance.

seriously- isn't this cake amazing?

It was obviously missing in our world.
We have been embraced by all those that see.
We have been touched by all those that need.

Happiness?

Just LOVE

Simple.
Not just words.
Cannot just say it- or write it.
You must feel it, deep down.
It must blanket your heart with a soft furry grace.
You  must preach it, and give it.
The more you give, the more you get.

Just give.

Live.
Enjoy, give, love, accept, protect, honor, laugh, appreciate, forgive, dance, include, learn, then love some more.

I think I got this this time.
At least for today:)