Hello

I have been struggling lately....

Yep- even cheery, cup always half full people get a tad weary in their boots.

Lack of sleep, human nonsence and good old fashioned 'filled my plate up too much' has put me in this pickle.

I am often told that I juggle too many balls.
Gee really?

Ask a wife how many balls she juggles as her hubby relaxes on his lazy boy.
Seriously?

We are born  multi-taskers.
Some,
Okay,
 Yes,
 ME,
 Take it to an extreme sometimes.
But I have no idea how to jump off the moving walk way.

Ok lets see,

I bet there are many of you that will read this and shake your head in agreement...
I am a,
breakfast maker, tooth brusher, lunch maker, coffee drinker, dishwasher loader, crumb catcher, news paper getter, t.v. turn- offer, kleenex picker upper. Lights turned off, toilet seat down, backpack checker and general good morning cheerleader.


 This is all done even before some peeps feet  hit the floor.
 Its merely 7 a.m.

Who's complaining?
Fine, not me.

But ball juggling,
10-20 big balls all in the air at the same time?
Now thats just talent.
Pure amazing grace talent.

Today halfway between my inside meltdown number 34 of the day, I was reminded why I would take my life, my problems, my anxiety and damn day.

Its Nate, its always Nate.
Oh how I wish I could lend everyone an extra 21st chromosome.
Life would be so much sweeter.
Im so many ways,
on so many grand levels.

When Natie was little (like yesterday) he said hello to everyone.
 I mean everyone!

But he just said hello.

The hibitual habit took back seat for awhile to a more timid child.

Until this week.

Nate the great has returned with even better schtick than before.
Yes- he has perfected his Dana Carvey routines.
Has a few scenes from The Cat In the Hat down pat.
Dances and sings "more cowbell!"

But now he says 'hello' again.
And he means it.

Everywhere we roamed today fortunate strangers were greeted with a genuine "hello, what is your name?"
The joy oozed out of their pores.
The kindness was bounced back ten fold.
Wow- how friggen lucky am I to be apart of such amazement.
A real movement of kindness.

Alas, My Natie is back in full powerful, life changing and celebrating ways.

If you would have told me then...
I wouldn't have believed you.

Hard to believe it now.
But the gift of an extra chromosome has changed my life.
It has changed my families, friends and neighbors.

But now the gift has returned onto our entire universe.

Hope you all can handle the love.
He's got lots to share.

So, if you're anything like me....

I'll take the shit that life throws me.
My problems seem small in the grandiose world in which we live in.

But to Natie, its all in a hello.

If only we could teach this stuff.


www.iam-whoiam.com

Walk in my shoes.

You know those sayings about 'walking in others shoes?'

' Don't judge unless you can walk a mile in mine?'

Or the sayings about 'don't get angry at the guy who just sped up in front of you, he is racing home to see his dying wife'...'.Don't be angry at the grocery checker as she hands you the incorrect change, her mind is full of fear, she has no idea  how she will pay this months rent.'

I love those little sentences. 
They hold within them great, powerful meaning.

We all need to be reminded, daily.

Don't we?

Yep, we do.
Kinda like don't sweat the small stuff.
 Or, our problems are small compared to someone else's.

Perspective.

I think that's what the words do for me.

They bring me to a simple place of perspective.

 My shoes led me to a place today that I have been before.

I have been given the honor by some as one of the first person's to call.
I never asked to be 'her'.
Never knew how to be 'her'.

Guess I still don't.
It didn't come with a manual.
I'm just a mom walking the walk.

Doing the very best I know how.
 Mistakes along the way?
YOU BET.


A mentor if you will.
A kind voice, a listening heart.
A mom that clearly has walked in the similar Down Syndrome world's shoes.

Funny how much I love shoes.
They all do the same thing,
protect our feet.

But there are millions of styles, millions of heights, patterns, materials.
Yet they still all serve the same purpose.
They help you in your path.

They help you to walk forward.
Small steps, big leaps.
Sometimes they are built for comfort, other times they absolutely hurt like hell.
They may help us stand taller,
We may use them for walking distances or to run.
We may just need them for fashion or to keep us warm.
We all have shoes.
They are all different.
They take us all to so many different places.

These boots were made for walking...If our shoes could talk...Just walk a mile, "seriously just walk a block in mine!!!"

We all have our own path.
We may walk in different directions.
Sometimes together, sometimes alone.
Sometimes you have no Godly idea where the frick you are going or how to get there.
But some how you just do.
You get there.

I have a new friend. I met her through the crazy web of Face Book. Friend of a friend, cousin to a friend..yada yada..

Today I was able to walk into the hospital room where this amazing mom and her new miracle lay healing from fresh heart surgery.

Beautiful life.

Nine years ago we were in the room right across the hall.

Natie- If I only knew THEN...

The memories came flooding back, I guess they never really go away. They fade in time. But can be resurrected with a single scent.

I came upon a beautiful, and I mean beautiful baby laying in her crib.
I was speechless.
I saw Natie.
I touched softly the new frail mom.
She was me.

How can I tell her it will all be OK?
How can I assure her that this is meant to be?
How am I going to tell her that although her path has changed it just might be a better road than before?

I was so overwhelmed.  I felt the mom's heavy heart. I looked deeply into her tired eyes.
Holly,
straighten up. Jeez, you are here to help her.
You cannot cry.
But I had too.

 I cried as I listened to the Doctors fill her up with so much information that she could hardly breath.

I felt her pain, her fears and I wanted to sign on the dotted line that life will be good.

Hell, life will be  great.

There will be so many new shoes in her doorway at home.
She will need sturdy ones, for she is now a warrior.

She must navigate the special needs world.
She will wear shoes of great comfort as she waits for moments to go by that are difficult to bear.
She will wear shoes till the soles are worn and the support is gone.  New shoes will be given.  Offered, donated and made.

But this mommy's most important pair will be a kick ass pair of Stiletto's.

She definitely will wear these soon as she CELEBRATES her gift.

This little girl that I met today has changed my life.

It was merely 9 years ago that I was sitting in that chair.
Nine years of different roads,
new paths,

scary journeys,
unbelievable joys,
moments that soar to the heavens,
and depth that cannot be found in poetry.

It impossible for me to tell this mom. 

There are no words.

But since I walkroom into the room in my stilleto's, I think she just knew.

I wear mine proudly as my journey has brought me to her.

Yep my feet are killing me, But the road is worth walking.

So in time, I will offer up my kick ass heels to a deserving new rock star.

You may never walk in my shoes.
Or know the road I have taken.

But from today on you will never forget,
our special children are here to remind us all.

It just doesn't matter how I get there.

It doesn't matter what I wear.

My path is my own.

You walk yours and I will walk mine. And if I can be so blessed we will hold hands and walk together.
I promise to clear the path and make the journey an easier one.

I love shoes.

I am so friggen excited to have gotten a new pair.

Friends

My best friend!

Its certainly been a long time since I pushed the little buttons fiercely on this laptop.  Its certainly not because I didn't have much to say.
Lord knows I'm really never at a loss for words, days my brain just runneth over..
I think you all understand.
 Life gets in the way.

Good life,
and not so good life.
A day that could crush me, a moment that is raw and painful,
But the beauty of a new day, a new dawn and the unexpected greatness of something amazing.


My high school friends!

Its funny that just when I think I have things figured out, I am reminded boldly that I have no friggen idea.


30 years later!

The world does work,
In mysterious ways.

high school buds, and still today!

I have never professed to be a teacher.

But I still teach.

Never thought I was a preacher,

But I still preach.


Friendship

What does that word mean to you?

Really think about it.
If you are young it may hold one meaning.
But for me, it has taken on a life of its own.
I have taught on this subject and preached.
But damn, once again I am merely learning.

Over the past years I have had to re-evaluate what the meaning of friendship is.  I have had girlfriend's since I was little...We may only speak occasionally.  But I love them, and they know that.  I would drive 5 hours to wipe their tears and I would listen for hours about their day.

I have pals that I made once my children were born. Close like sisters as we have walked side by side through the journey of raising a family.

My mom has always been my best friend, with a close second to my daughter.
They would fight off a lion if need be, lift a car or run through the desert to help me.

my neighborhood girls!

They would never hurt me.

I remember a seminar that I took many years ago.  It taught me that if you truly open up to someone, deep, that they will never hurt you. They are too vested in you to do any damage. 

Bullshit.

The countless hours I have spent with my daughter teaching her that you must be a good friend to have a good friend. Sometimes may land on deaf ears. As teens seem to forget the golden rule of not talking behind some one's back or judging someone. It will take time for the youngens to catch on.

Until then I will lead by example.

The other day I was engaged in conversation with some moms of special children. We got on the subject of friends.

Now this is where I wanna puke.

When your special child is small, everyone wants to be there friend.
Kinda like a puppy. So cute.
So innocent.

But then the child grows.
Sometimes the gap widens and where Nate is 9, but can act like he is 5, the friendships get tougher and tougher to hold onto.
These were moms of teenagers.
As you know I am Scarlett O'Hara,
Thought I could just worry about all this tomorrow.

OK, just imagine.
Come on,

even though its not your child.
IT COULD BE.

They are your friend, they are your buddy....
But the phone doesn't ring.
The play dates don't exist.
Maybe the parents are afraid....
Your child comes out of the box unaware.
Its the parents that guide them into friendships...
not fears.

Do not judge me by the costume I wear.

The real me is inside.
Behind the tattoos and fur.
Its me.
Just a boy.
Just a friend.

So, not only do I have to figure out why at my age there are
people that wanna be you, take and never give, hurt you because they can.  Walk away because its easy. Hide when the skys get dark, and seek meanness when they are able.

People that you thought were your friends but just are not forever.

I realize now that even when you think someone is wearing  angel wings,
sometimes they just might be hiding something underneath.

But not with special kids.
No agenda here.
Honest.
Love.
Truth.
Forever.
Loyal.


NATIE-
And the other million Nate's that sit at the park alone.

Maybe our kids run slower.
Maybe they speak a bit unclear.
But they are friends.
They need friends.
They want friends.
They deserve friends.

Just like you do.

So take a moment and get to know someone special.  Look inside, behind the glasses, braces or stutter.
They are as worthy as you.

Funny thing about friends.
Sometimes you end up needing them more than you ever realized.

By the look of what is around me, I must be doing something right.
I am surrounded by love.
Good people.
People I trust.
I may have to do some weeding once in awhile.
Thorns may pop up in my glorious garden.

But I need my peeps to shine.

I will be your forever friend.

As long as you will be mine.