Awakening!

I have decided to get back to writing. Why? 

Maybe because my life has been consumed with carrying Nate’s bags,

 having surgery after surgery,

 watching my kids fly and soar out of my home, 

spending more money than I make and finding myself 

sometimes in a pot of depression, this is an outlet that I have always enjoyed.

If I can get one person to laugh or maybe have an 'aha' moment, I will be winning. 

You see we only tell people the stories that we want them to hear.

 We only post pictures of events that we want people to see.

 The facts are we all have stories that we don’t want read out loud.

 We have secrets.

 We have darkness and we definitely all have holes . 

One of my favorite quotes is 'even broken crayons can color beautifully.'

 I say that to myself on the Daily.

 As my editor knows, I am full of clichés and I absolutely love them. 

When I was writing my book, she said Holly you cannot fill this entire book with cliches

 and I said why the hell not?

 Every word has already been written, every song has already been sung…

 But I suppose that’s not true. 

There’s always a different angle, another way to see something.

 Another way to feel.

So far, 2024 has been the best year yet. 

Hysterical that it literally just started.

I don’t feel like talking about my age because I believe it’s only a number.

Facts are I am not thrilled with my upcoming new number,.

Hey, but on he flipside.

I'm here to complain about it.

. 

I will tell you it has taken me a very long time to find my voice.

  I hope you have found yours.

Because once you do, your life will forever be changed.

What I mean by that is, I have allowed people to walk all over me, speak badly of me,

take from me, take from me again and even go so far as to steal from me.

 

You know what I would say back in the day?

Would you like some more?

Kindness? Stupidity? Naivety?

Check, check, check.

And then one day it hit me.

I can say no.

I can say no.

That was one of the best days of my life. Because it hit me. 

I can say no.

I can literally say no. 

Might have been the best day of my life. (Outside of having my kids:)

We always read about circles, and who we keep inside our very own circle.

We are told to keep our circles small.

I'd like to think mine is a square,

To most people,

I have a gigantic circle,

I do, 

Yet, now its filled carefully.

I methodically relook at what they bring to MY life. 

I know what I bring.

I know my worth, so lets see yours.

I have shed from the top. 

The middle and the bottom feeders.

I see you now.

Damn that took awhile.

Now my square is made up of magical incredible people.

 I know when I’m not in the room that they will have my back. 

They are rooting for me, 

They lift me without judgment.
In the short few weeks of the New Year I have once again had the rug pulled out from beneath me. 

Before I might have cried or sat on the sofa in my pity party of one.

 But this time I used it as power.

 Power to never let anyone do that to me again. 

You see, I know who I am.

 

 I know I’m loud.

 I know I am full of Moxie.

 I was once told that I take up more space than most people.

 Might that be a compliment probably not.

The best part of growing up? 

You don’t care. 

Of course I care about people’s feelings and I don’t wanna hurt anyone on purpose. 

But I will no longer take the sword.

I will no longer let you take up one more minute one more penny or one more bit of advice. 

I am in charge of my own square and I am in charge of designing it my way.

So can you, delete, ignore, block, its truly a gift that keeps on giving.

I have never felt so free.

I have let people go.

 Even family. 

Deleted completely out of my life.
It’s OK.

 It’s all OK. 

If you don’t protect yourself who will? 

If you don’t protect your heart who will?

Of course I’ve been disrespected… I see you, I hear you.

 Don’t think it goes unnoticed.

Difference is, its a reflection of you.

I do not care.

FREEDOM!

 

We all are allowed to keep a journal right inside our brain.

Today the sun is out and it’s beautiful. I can hear the birds chirping and I feel alive again.
God only gives us this one chance.

I’ve already wasted several decades.

This time around with whatever I have left, family first.

It always has been that way.

 My five kids are my lifeline.
I’m gonna knock the socks off of 21 pineapples to leave that legacy for Nate and my other children.

I’m gonna embrace my friendships and let them know that I love them every single day.

And I am going to say 'no' more.

Because right now there is nothing more than I love than laying in my bed,

 with my bag of popcorn and watching Bravo.

I pray that you too find this peace. 

It’s a gift that I gave myself that I didn’t know I needed.

We always read about our circles and who we keep inside our circle. 

We are taught to keep ocles smTo most I have a gigantic circdo.It’s filled with miraculous people from all over the world.But my true circle my small circle