I'll cry if I want too.

Dammit it's MY birthday and I'll cry if I want too.....


Remember when we were all excited to welcome another monumental day...with eager anticipation of notching one more number into our court?
Guess what?
Those days are officially over.
At least in my book.
I don't actually care about the number.
I do like the simple number 42, so if you don't mind I am gonna just stick with that, for now.

Another year?
Wiser?
Maybe....
I hope I learn from each passing year.
I know each year brings within it gifts of great love, unfortunate loss, experience, dreams, realities and opportunities.

But for me?
Holly is in constant worry...
Worrying about if I have done enough.
If my 24 hours x 365 days were spent with great meaning.
Hate to waste.
Heavy burden to take on?
Maybe, but its my burden and I'll cover it with a bit of glitter to disguise.

The month of March is mine, all mine.

I will shop with vigor and continue to look for the perfect black shoe.
I will eat any object covered in milk chocolate and worry about the calories in April. I will tell my friends how much I love them.
 I will squeeze in an extra second of hugs and kiss with my eyes wide open.

I live each day with a heavy coat.
Hoping to have achieved something even in the smallest of bits to help another.
To smile at someone who merely needs to be seen.
To say hello to a stranger that was about to give up hope.
To buy coffee for the woman scrounging for pennies on the bottom of her pocketbook.

I want to live a year in full blown Academy award style.
Grasping at all hopes and possibilities.
Raising awareness for those without a voice.
Helping my sisters and brothers get through the maze called life.
I just wanna help.
I just wanna do good.
I just wanna make a difference.
Each and every new year.

I want to let in more joy, more love, more textures more sound.

I want to be the lead singer in my very own lyrical concert and play the leading role with honesty and clarity.

I want the perfect bite of cake and the fresh spring air to slap me in the face.
I want to feel and be touched.
I want to give it back and watch it get planted.
I want to leave a mark.

What have I learned?

I have learned that California and my peeps there are truly my Nirvana.

I have realized that you cannot get what you want or need unless you ask.

If you ask (nicely) you will probably get it.

I have learned that I cannot drink with the big fish, Thank you Nashville.

I have learned that finding and keeping true friends is easy as long as you keep it real.

I have learned to accept goodness and to erase negativity and crabbiness from my entire life.

I have learned that if you dream it, it truly can be.

That with hard work, dedication and believing, it truly can HAPPEN.

I have learned that one person really can make a difference.

But my biggest lesson;

That this thing called life is way more fun and fulfilling if you include others on this long, winding journey.

My desire is to leave with this as my legacy.

She loved.
She lived.
She helped.
She smiled.
She gave.
She listened.
She danced by the beat of her own drum.
She included and embraced all.
She truly understood.

I didn't set out to save the world, or reinvent the wheel.

I did not set out to become a fierce activist or a leader of souls.

(I am who I am was gifted 400 blankets from Laura Ashley!)

(My dream is to work with the residents at Misericordia)

I did not intend to have a loud voice ,
or to never accept the word NO.

I set out just to live,
the only life I know how.

Another year,
full of endless possibilities.

I suppose I know what to do,
Continue with baby steps,
Looking for warriors to walk with me.
To hold my hand,
hold my back and embrace the future.

To protect what we have done and to appreciate where we are headed.

Fine, another birthday.

I got this.

I'll wipe my tears in the softest of suede and pass them onto someone else.

I will be at Nordstrom's in the shoe department.

Then I will be changing and creating my next 365 days ahead of me, my world,
one smile at a time.

What you gonna do for your birthday?