I got hit on......

Is it wrong to be so excited that I was hit on today in the Walgreen's parking lot?
When I carried that beam of a smile all the way through to the pharmacy I felt compelled to tell my friend, Leo, the pharmacist my story.
He thought I meant I 'hit a car' in the parking lot, which had me in complete stitches.

So, maybe the dapper dude in the convertible was feeling uber lucky.
 I'm sorry that I had to be his negative.
 He had me roll down my window to listen,
 He began to tell me that WE almost had an accident.
 I looked puzzled, and he continued to say with a huge grin that he was thinking about hitting my car just so he could obtain my phone number.
NICE!


 Well played!!!!
I must have had quite the grin on myself as he then said "Is that too much to ask?"
hahahhahahhahhahha
Could you ask again? 
Maybe even write it down.
Damn that feels good.
Sorry dapper dude, the answer is no.
But you sure got this tired mother of 5 to skip a little faster into the store:)

I've been struggling through a pretty shitty month.
 I think the stars are just not lining up quite right.
I have no real reason for the funk.
Just am.
Funny thing, so are my friends as well.
A yucky mustard yellow funk that has washed all over us.

School starting.
Saying good-bye to 2 of my college bound best friends.
Growing up, me and them.

Luckily, I have this friend.
Gia.
Absolutely beautiful, stunning, incredibly deep and undeniably kind.
Gia.

She has quickly melted right into my life as a sister.
A gem of a friend that I am beyond blessed to have met.
We clicked almost instantly....
 I love everything about her...
Except for one little thing.

I am the best at hiding things.
Hiding my feelings,

Emotions.
I bury it all.
I am probably the greatest Scarlett O'Hara around.
"I will worry about it tomorrow!"

But she won't let me.
She talks about it,
dissects it,
then Marinates it.

Seriously...

She has gotten me thinking more than my little brain can handle at times. So much so that sometimes I get a dang headache....


She has made me look at the entire picture.
The frame, the hook, the oils and the brush strokes.
I see it all.
Even if I don't want too.

We do what we can with what we have.
We do the best we know how.
We give as much as we feel, right?
We accept it all back in return.
The love part for sure.

To love and be loved.
To be appreciated and accepted,
To not accept less.
 To learn from past mistakes,
To understand that we all don't think alike,
Love alike or care alike.

But what we require is what we must have,
No settling on this stuff.

My High School reunion is right around the corner.
UGH, seriously.
Same emotions as the last time,
Same fears, worries and memories.

But why?
 I'm not her.
I'm the me of today.
A newer, remolded kind.

I have recently connected with a gal from back then.
Her name is Michelle.
We connected on the 'missing our kids at college page.'
She asked me for advice I lied and pretended I knew what I was talking about.

We chatted briefly about our upcoming reunion and I confessed my angst.
"I'm not going....will you meet me at the door??"
She said "Holly you have to go, everyone loved you, they will love you now."

Nah- no one loved me, no one knew what love was.
Besides, Holly circa 1980 was a disco queen.
A break the rules kinda punker.....
no clue who I was or where the hell I would land.

Never thought it would be here, that's for certain.

So- I suppose I hope we all forget the past and walk in with a clean slate.

I don't want to be remembered for  my 8 inch high hair, or my nail talons.
Or the fact that at 18, I was at every disco on North avenue and only dated Italians.
I want to forget that I was scared to death for lunch period, cuz I had no idea who I would be sitting with.

I want to forget that I judged hundreds of kids.
That I should have been nicer,
or kinder or more loving.
I was a good kid-
just an average kid.

But today I am AMAZING.
Not because I only wear Izod's and Tretorn gym shoes.
Its not because I dated a senior when I was a freshman:)
Its not because I had the biggest parties in all of the town.
Or that I had the star football player as my bouncer.

I don't want her to go.
She is not welcomed at the reunion.
I hope none of her peers are there as well.

I want to walk in as me.
The Holly that took blood, sweat and tears to perfect. Actually a work in progress.
But a better version for certain.

I cannot wait to meet some new friends.
Even though we may have passed the halls or sat together in math, they will be new.

I can tell through  Facebook that my new friend is struggling. Not sure of what, but struggling through something.
I'm here to help her and remind her that we have a choice.
Every day.

That's why I feel amazing.
I have been taught to pay close attention.
When others seek my advise, I am grateful.
I must be doing something right.

 I want my friends to see as crystal clear as I do,
That right now at this very moment you can!
You will,
JUST BELIEVE.


To smile or to frown.
To say hello or to look away.
To accept someone or to walk .
To kiss or to turn a cheek.
To never let a day go by without loudly telling those that you LOVE them.

To LOVE yourself first.
To truly see yourself through others eyes.
To accept your imperfections.
To learn from it all and to grow.

Tomorrow is a new day.
A great opportunity for something new and spectacular.

I have learned to not ignore any more.
 To listen better and to never let someone walk away not knowing how I felt.
To speak the truth and to accept that as well.

My sister Gia reminds me daily, that what you put out in the universe comes back.
You want or need kindness, put it out there.
You need love, give it tenfold.

 You miss someone?
 Miss them.
ITS REAL.

If it matters to you.
THEN IT MATTERS.

YOU MUST GIVE TO GET.

I wish I thanked the man in the cool convertible today for making me feel 22 again.
All it took was a smile, a compliment and a shot in the dark that I would give him my number-

I must have been wearing my "I need kindness today" shirt.

And once again it worked.

So today I am beyond grateful for Gia and Michelle.
Gia for giving me her wisdom and for Michelle for accepting the words from me.
For listening and caring and for loving unconditionally.

I may still be nervous about walking through the reunion doors. But I know when my coat comes off I will be greeted by 1000 fellow students....

Lord I just pray they all wear name tags.