Glitter on the Side: COVID------WHAT????

Glitter on the Side: COVID------WHAT????:  Covid crap. Among many other things. It's been awhile since I sat here clicking away. Not sure why, nothing to say is definitely not it...

COVID------WHAT????

 Covid crap.

Among many other things.

It's been awhile since I sat here clicking away. Not sure why, nothing to say is definitely not it..

1. Covid what?

2. Election

3. Losing friends due to the election.

4. Living in Chicago.

5. Keeping it real.....and simple.

6. Falling deeper.

7. Getting myself back up.

8. Baby steps.

9. One day at a time.

10. Friends getting sick.

11. Friends and family dying.

12. PTSD..major.

13. Who the fuck am I ??

14. AND clearly how do I find myself again?

15. OH, and raising and worrying about 5 incredible kids.

For all my beginning writers or wanna be writers, start like this. Trust me its therapy. 

Very cathartic.

Freeing yourself of what binds you is great medicine.

Seeing what you mean, written out is also a pretty good eye opener.

So, lets begin.

March.....It started as a celebration. A lil trip to Vegas with one of my oldest and dearest friends named Stacey.

 Wow have we gotten old. 

What was once nights at the CLUB and dancing the night away quickly turned into full, fun and fabulous days, and me begging for my bed by 9pm.

My family gifted me a massage for my Vegas birthday weekend.  It was tres lovely...I asked my 20 something masseuse if things were busy this time of year. She mentioned that there was a virus going around and people were cancelling. Therefore I believe she gifted me 10 extra minutes, SCORE!

Days at the pool, inches from your lounge chair neighbor. Of course I made friends with all of them. Especially a young couple from New Jersey. We even became Facebook friends. I'm quite sure she has blocked me by now.

I lost some money.

 I ate too much and I went to bed early. 

A perfect trip was had by all.

Returning home, everything appeared NORMAL.

Until it wasn't.

Where were you when you heard about the attack on 9/11? 

Or when John Kennedy Jr. died with his beautiful bride in that small airplane?

Its going down like that.

News.

Constant news.

Fear.

More fear.

And if possible even more fear.

You cannot live a good life with fear guiding you. But how in the hell are we supposed to jump off of this moving nightmare of a train?

Masks. 

Thank you to my lovely friend Joann who gifted me many.

Hand sanitizer.

 I'm sure all of our hands are as raw as a rare t-bone.

Hoarding toilet paper? 

Well, that certainly showed the crazies we live amongst.

No I did not hoard. 

One sheet per kid. 

PERIOD.

Wait a minute.

Somewhere in the beginning as I was stoned out of my mind with fear, I was talked into getting my son a puppy.

 Don't ask.

 She's still here. 

I kinda love her.

STELLA.

 

 I started to witness the true crazy in friends and family. Those that chose to live in constant fear.

I cannot do that. 

Maybe I attacked Lt. Dan for leaving his outside shoes on in the beginning.

But here is how I see it.

I was given a death sentence 6 years ago.

I fought my way outta hell a few times.

I bargained with God and I prayed till my knees bled.

I cannot and will not succumb to living another day in panic mode.

Been there.

Its ugly.

I mask.

I sanitize and I still pray.

But I'm living.

I choose life.

OK if that doesn't make any sense talk to me privately:)

Live today like there is no tomorrow. 

Eat that damn cake and don't complain.

I have lost a few friends.

I suppose it was time for them to go.

See ya.

Bye. 

Truth..it stung for a bit. 

Until I woke up and realized that real friends don't hurt you.

DUH.

Room for new ones.

Always a seat left on my crazy train. 

So, there you have it.

I'm lost and then I am found. 

HUH?

We all struggle.

We all fall.

I hope the majority get back up.

Is it Gods plan or our own?

I'm not sure anymore.

I know that I have choices.

To sink or to swim.

To rejoice or to complain.

I promise you this.

100%

Become Stewart Smalley and your entire life will change.

Repeat after me.

Daily..

I am worthy.

I am enough.

I am awesome.

I am capable.

I am good.

I am more than good.

I have a plan. If you don't, make one.

I can say no.

I can sleep in.

I am the master of my own destiny.

I am amazing.

Keep it up. 

Don't stop.

Rewrite tomorrow if you have too.

I am happy to lend you my hand if you need.

Just don't give up on me.

We got this.

A friend was just recently diagnosed with Cancer.

FUCK you cancer. NO MORE.

I'm done with you and all that binds me.

She will be fine because I said so.

I am looking forward to tomorrow. 

I need more sleep.

I have the control.

My own story.

 I am my own actress.

Write out your screenplay as you wish.

It's yours to write and to live.

So go,

Bold and free.

Hands up high and sing your heart out.

Take time to care about yourself. 

Rewrite what is wrong.

Say bye to that negative energy.

Aren't we lucky that we have that choice?

I'm back baby.

Accept the compliments and freely gift them onto someone else.

Better and more fierce than ever. 

OK, maybe I have a  mask on and some people dislike me because my husband was a cop. BUT...

ALL IS GOOD IN HOLLY'S WORLD.

Covid has gifted me so much.

I have learned to take a hit.

To forgive.

To really let it go.

To accept that It is what It is.

To never look back.

To celebrate every ounce of every new day.

 Yesterday in a moment full of tears my friend told me how proud she was of me. That she loved the way I have raised my kids. 

That she thought I was amazing.

That I was unstoppable...wildly UN-apologetic. Strong, fierce, loving, nurturing, funny, brave and true!

The old Holly? 

"no, no no..."

Today's Holly?

"Hell yes."

I accept.

I am that person.

I am me.

I am Holly.

Quick question?

Who are YOU? 

 

 

 

Quotes

If you are anything like me, you love quotes.

I can sit looking at Pinterest or Instagram for hours,
 Reading, liking..

I do love a good Atticus poem.

But after the new year quotes are close to making me gag.
Literally,
Physically,
Throw up.

If I had a damn nickel for every "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger " thrown my way I'd be a fricken millionaire.
A MILLIONAIRE!

But what I see now...

A shit ton of...

"Re Create yourself."

It's the new decade.

Who the f*ck cares.

Its just another flip on my month to month calendar.
No fireworks just a simple page turn.

OK, for starters what if I don't want too?

Maybe this plus sized, sleep eating, once shopaholic, vegetable while watching Bravo doesn't want to change.

Maybe just maybe this is it.

I am hitting my midlife crisis with a Bang.
A full on CRISIS.

Omg
When did sluggish and cellulite become my new normal?
When did going out mean I must be home by 8pm.
In order for my 9 p.m. pajama party of ONE.

So here's what I'm thinking,
I need a new tribe.
A few of my old members have drifted into the abyss.
Truth?
She turned out to be a psycho.
Narcissistic Be-otch, just like you all warned me about.
Thanks.

"Fool me once..."
I dunno, something like that.
Bye Felecia.

IN need of a new gang.

Some folks to keep me accountable.

Keep my twisted head level.

My Ben left for college a few days ago...almost empty nester.
I want to scream.
This sucks wads and I want off the ride.

I want my house full and loud.
Chaotic and crazy.

I want my old life back.

Alas, I gave them wings to fly.

Can I snip their wings when they are not looking?

Can I have a do-over so I can memorize every giggle,
Every sound,
Every morsel?

THEY tell me nope.

That's some straight up BULLSHIT.

Ok, re-create,
The new decade.
Do something powerful.
Magnificent.
Life changing.
Save the planet.

Spread your political hate all over until I cannot see straight.
No thanks.

So here's my plan.
my 2020.
I'm gonna be me.
  The 2020 version.

Give way more than I take.
Duh.

I'm gonna be a straight shooter.

Love my kids like a crazy momma that I am.

Be less Kris Jenner and more Bruce -Kaitlyn Jenner.

Be authentically me.

No I am not transgender.

At least I don't think so.

I'm cleaning house.
Throwing away all the shit from yesterday.
No more crap.

New years resolution is to not make one.

To be me.

Damn,

That's hard enough.