There is no doubt in my mind that I am some what bi-polar. Sorry in advance to anyone who suffers from this. But damn without a Dr. diagnosis I am clear that my highs are high and my lows are low. Seems pretty normal you say?
I have been whistling Dixie lately. High as a kite. Smiling while I hum a silly tune all day. Sleeping which is a luxury and eating everything I want. Enjoying.
Every day for weeks.
No idea why? Or how.
I hate to question a good thing.
But there is always a darkness before the dawn.
A still before the storm.
Crap,
I'm ready.
Just happy.
They say you are only as happy as your unhappiest child.
That's a good one. And so true.
Maybe I am getting ready for the show down. Setting myself up for a great fall.
I just finished sewing and bedazzling my daughters wings.
I only have 1 week left for adjustments and quick fixes.
Letting her go is the hardest thing I will ever do.....
I am scared to death that I didn't do this right. Maybe I sucked as a mom for the past 18 years. I didn't read the manual.
Can I have a do over?
I am preparing myself for tears of stinging proportion.
I can at times feel the dagger.
It actually takes my breath away.
But in a secret little way, deep down under the layers of self destruction I am happy to see my pal move forward.
My wings when I was 18 were gigantic.
I had dreams of everything.
I never doubted myself.
Just knew I would, and could.
God I hope I taught her that.
YOU can be anyone that you want to be.This is your day.
Today.
Right now.
New sights, sounds, colors, tastes.
New opportunities, friendships, moments and memories.
The world is your oyster.
Or as I think,
The world is your shoe department.
Rock on foreword with any pair you choose.
So as I sit here waiting for the send off I am reminded.
I am who I am today because my mom let me go.
Ambrose University better be ready.
Maybe the damn hardest thing I will ever do.
But as my daughter shuts the door behind her and I am spending hours in my Oprah ugly cry I will remember that I am actually happy for her.
Maybe I wish it was me...
Maybe I wish I had a do over.
Maybe I'm scared,
and afraid to miss her more than my poems can portray.
Maybe I will just set up a small apartment on the edge of campus and cut hair on the side.
Maybe I will pretend that I'm good with this and plaster on my Holly's happy face.
Wishing that all my dreams are granted for my little girl.
But truth be told.
I'm saying see ya to my best-est friend.
Someone that I adore, admire and cherish.
Fine, I can do this.
I will do this.
I have no choice.
My wisdom to you is simple.
There are no friggen do overs.
NO second chances to get it right.
So LOVE them today.
Hug hard and play for fun.
Let them know the truth.
Honor, respect and adore.
It goes by in a flash.
Buy the crazy shoes and wear them proudly cuz' you can.
Live today and regret nothing.
I have a little bit of glitter left for the next pair of wings.
I have a flock here to support.
I did the best I could....
My mini me is almost off and running.
Standing at the line waiting to hear the olympic buzzer to sound, enjoy today.
God bless you on your journey my dear little girl.
I had the greatest past 18 years of my life.
Now its your turn.
I hope you take my good and blur my bad.
Make me proud, although I am more than you will ever know.
Forget it,
I'm moving to Davenport.
Why does it have to be this hard?
Oh Holly, I know what your going through...
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