Be yourself.

There are days when the words spew out of my mouth and my fingers type so furiously that I am actually afraid I will forget my point even before I'm done.

I think about this a lot.
Why?
Because.

Be yourself.
Be unique.
Be who you decide you are set out to be.

 If I had a nickel for every time someone tells me that they wanna be like me....

Huh- are you serious?

A (young) middle aged,

tell it like it is,

learned the hard way,

bold,

exhausted little girl from Philly?
Hah, no idea where Philly came from, but it sounded good to me.
But seriously folks.

Why would YOU ever want to be like someone else?

If its a quality you admire, work on making it your own.

If its a talent, work hard to achieve it.

If its a style, mold yourself into what fits right.

If its the positive mental attitude, well then my dear, asking to have it just will not work.

Hol is an absolutely huge piece of fruitcake.

A master of her own mess and the fortune teller of her own mysterious mini series.



This reminds me of a friend that I used to have.
 Funny thing, I don't usually dismiss a friend. I keep them pretty close. They know they are loved.  Even while my life spins in a furious tunnel they are there. Knowing I'll be back,  right where I was standing. By their side.

But this gal?

YUCK.

Why?
  Because she searched her entire adult life to be like someone else.
She admired others to the point of white washing herself into the back round.
Constantly putting some on high pedestals.
It was difficult to always be held to such a high standard.
We are merely mortals, right?

So I stayed around and watched.
I watched until I saw with my very own eyes, her morphing into this other person.
 Like acting in a play.
Not ever being yourself and not following your own journey.

But literally trying to be someone else.
She bought things that this woman owned.

She tried to emulate every ounce of this person.

She took on her craft, her desires even her charities.

I tried to be like Angelina Jolie, but it just didn't work.
Come on you fool.

(It's the lips, I just want the lips....)

YOU are who you are.
Deal with it, and get the kinks out.
Polish the rough edges, you can do this!

NO one noticed.

But me.

She was gone.



My friend was missing in a sea of someone else.
Like stolen identity.
But worse, she chose this destination.

I admire so many.
I try and tell you too.
I may even copy and idea here and there.
But to not be loyal to Holly?
Then who will be her?
Who will play her roles?
Lead her pack?
I only have one voice.
You can sing with me, but don't mimic my sound.
Yours will be amazing- just step out of the pack and soar with your own melody.

There is only one me.
And some may think that is plenty.

If I don't like me, then I can change that.
If I am not happy, then I can work on that.
But ME is all I got.

All I own.
Do you get it?

I do.
Clearly.
If I am not 100% Holly then I have failed myself.
Miserably.

Last night a friend reminded me that ten years ago I had no idea that I would be here today.
Damn straight.

(this is my make believe Jewish Dr.-I'm serious)

Truth be told....I was to be a Jewish Doctors wife, live in sunny California, drive a Cadillac and walk barefoot around the universe.

But that didn't exactly happen.
How could I have walked barefoot with my shoe passion?
I must have been delusional.
Or a dreamer.

Or maybe I just turned into Holly.

Allowing every door to open and to be closed if necessary.
To accept that it is what it is and to move forward. Never looking back.
Never pretending to be anyone other than MYSELF.

I really like who I have become.
A work in progress, living the only way I know how.

(IF Adam was my 1st hubby than this was my 2nd husband...yes that really is me acting a fool behind my boyfriend Bourdain)

No pretending or wishing.
But actually doing.
Pretty cool?
Yes- it is.

Now write your story.
I bet its a good one.
Don't be anything like me.
It would get way too confusing.
The wackier the better as we all come covered in nuts.

So farewell to my lost soul friend. I pray for her safe return.


I'm sorry that you will never be her.
She already took that place in line.
She holds that DNA and passport.
Try your own shoes on for size.
You just might be surprised how kick ass your own stilettos can be.

Live your destiny.
Choose the direction,
the people,
the passions,
the arts,
the scenery,
the music,
the visuals,
textures and fabric that make you unique.
BE HER and I bet she will be outstanding!
Just saying....

My father.

Yesterday I was enjoying a peaceful, sunny day with friends. Poking around a little Amish town in Indiana.

Laughter was in the air and friendships were re-visited.

As we were enjoying our familiar dinner, I was enamoured by an adorable young waiter.
Charming and funny were his first selling qualities. We chatted, laughed and merged out of small talk.

My friends laughed as this stranger melted into my friend.

I would like to think that I have learned this skill through Natie. Although I believe it has become my eternal make-up since birth.

They were amazed at how quickly this young man became enthralled in our stories.  I gave them the glimpse of my dad. A man who never met a stranger a man I have become so much like.


I remember being shy in grade school.  Allowing a bully to haunt me for years.

Later in my school years I still had no real voice.
 It was in there. Just peeking out through poetry or a painting. Self expression was my tool. As I took on purple hair before that was ever cool.

I ran from myself. Not a clue who I was or who I would become.
I just ran.
I held onto groups or at least hugged onto their perimeter.
But I managed.

One solid part of my being was my father.
A man that still is such a mystery to me. He worked hard. We wanted for nothing.
We had the nicest of vacations and the best of clothing.
No memories of playing ball in the backyard, but memories of a strong foundation.
I was a typical little girl.

I would worry.
I would cry.
I was scared.

I was just a girl.

Behind every smile, is a story.

He sat nightly infront the radiant television screen.
Inviting me in to watch a bit of the old westerns.
I buried my woes into his amazing blue eyes.
His eyes were as clear as the ocean.
He always said "it will be OK"

And I believed him.
And it always was.

He was a mans man.
Three piece suits, alligator shoes and adorned with gold jewelry.
No matter where we were,
there was my father.
Standing tall, silver haired and confident.
Singing silly tunes in restaurants without a care in the world.

Never missing the chance to make a new friend.

He was as gregarious as they come.
I have yet to meet his equal.
No fear,
No limits.
Raw.
Genuine.
Kindness.

That's what I took.

The love to love.
The desire to give and get back.
New faces.

New stories.
I need them to survive.

It took me many years to see it clear.

(Hi I am Nate.....LOVE when he does this!)

You are who you are.

I don't worry about what you think about me any longer.
I cannot control that.

(Natie decided to do exactly what this woman in the pool was doing. Hilarious!)

But if you take my hello and crazy babbling I will become your friend.
For as long as you stay.

(Irving Zelig Herman on the left. )

So that's it.
I am my father.
A man of much mystery.
A man I idolized.
Who wiped my tears with his words.
Sharing with me the strength of his being.

I cannot see myself like you can.
I can only see the shadow through a new friends face.
A waiter at a lovely Amish restaurant.
Yes, I am who I am.


Just like Natie.
No blinders on.
Nothing wanted or expected.
Just real.

Be honest.
Be kind,
Be loud
Be genuine.
Be strong,
Be amazing,
Bold,
Trustworthy,
Funny,
Unique,
and full of the glitter you choose.

Just try and say hello to a stranger.
That stranger just might be me.

I lost my father too young.
I can only imagine what he would think of me today.

I believe he brings me to these faces. Reminding me of the power of kindness.
To ask of others and to talk little of ones self.

(another magical "HI Mickey, I'm Nate!")

I miss that man more than I ever share.
Every new friend is a reminder.

I know he is proud.
I just wish I could see it in his eyes.

Dad on right. He prayed that I would NOT get his nose:)

 

Gratitude

Gratitude.

As I sit here clicking away, I am surrounded by so much gratitude.

(My amazing mom)

It sits besides me.
It embraces me and keeps me warm.

Like the feeling one gets from the furriest blanket on a cold December  eve.

I feel so loved, so accepted, so nurtured and so Happy.
I am grateful.

Thank God that I am healthy and so is everyone around me.
After losing a neighborhood Fire Fighter this weekend I am reminded in burning retina color how precious our moments are.

To live them to the fullest potential.

To seize the day.
The books have already been written, lyrics have been sung.

 

Gratitude for everything.

 Every single ounce of life.

(friends from Hello)

 I squeeze it out like the end of the toothpaste.

From the scent of my morning Chi Latte.

To watching Natie run to the bus with the eager anticipation of a new day.

To the girl at the gym who remembers my name and tells me how beautiful I look at 8 am.

I am grateful  for the loud music I am able to enjoy in the comfort of my own vehicle. Singing as loud as Jagger and believing that I am.



(Jagger? Nope just a lil Brett Michael's)

I am grateful for this computer as I am able to connect with friends near and far.

The early afternoon where I hear nothing but silence which reminds me how much I love the spoken word.

I am grateful for the front door swinging open as my children enter a loving and accepting family.

I am grateful for the moment we sit at the table to share a meal. I know too soon my children will spread their wings and soar.

 I hold onto those moments with crazy glue and vengeance.

(favorite moment of the night? When Nicki told me my tushy looked small in my jeans!)

 

 I am so grateful for the ding of my phone as I receive a text from a friend. To know that at that very moment someone was thinking of me.

(always honored to have our big-wigs represent!)

Sends warmth down my being.
 

 I am grateful for clients I have had, some for almost 20 years.

(true beauty inside and out)

(new friends for life)

I am grateful for humor and that I never take myself too seriously.

(LOVE the shirt! And the tattoo!!)

I am grateful for the moments within the day that allow me to do something good.

(the beautiful and hilarious Kelli!)

(maybe the cutest lil dude I've ever seen)

For someone else.

Cuz that is whats fuels me.

(remember from an older blog..this is the baby I went to visit in the hospital after birth? Look at her NOW!!!!)

I am grateful for the laughter I receive from Modern Family. The laugh out loud chuckle that erases the moment of sadness that may have been lingering on too long.

(my foundation- yep that's me smoking-the beginning of my bad-ass attitude! hahah)!)

I am grateful for my beginning.

Every moment that my parents gifted onto me.

(where all my dreams and hopes were created-where I grew up)

To create who I am today.

For the coziness of cotton socks and the smell of vanilla.

I am grateful.

HollyDays 2012

Yes, I lay awake for months.

(outstanding artists- in awe of their creations)

I panic over things out of my control.

I am a nervous wreck.

(so many stories)

 

(My friend Mark, aka best photographer in the world...Lulu photography too!)

I open the doors and am grateful that YOU walked in.

The words I receive, the hugs, tears and thanks are amazing.
My best buddy, Mark actually told me the next day that "I am such an inspiration and thanks for  existing"!

(First year with raffles. Thought we would have a few...OK, over 50! Thanks and love to Genie and Jennifer)

Given to me?

(some of our paintings by our special kids)

A little North side Jewish gal that is merely doing the best I can?

This is NOT about Me.

Its about you.

You who believed in me and my dreams.
Its for all of you that held me up through the darkness. You dried my tears and helped me walk to the light. Now its my turn.
To pay it forward.
I am grateful to have the chance to give it all back.

Before the doors opened I was greeted my a beautiful bouquet of flowers.
A complete surprise.
From a friend that was sending kindness and  gratitude my way.
For being their friend.
Something that comes easy for me.

I need my friends, I love my friends. I appreciate my friends.
I never let them go.
I never take them for granted.
I tell them how much they matter.
I am merely a speck without them.

Every single moment of every single day.
They are my backbone and my firm hand that holds me up.
They are my muse and my inspiration.


 

I am blessed to have a friend who wanted to do something special for me.
To give of themselves in a beautiful technicolor sweetness of roses and happiness. 

And yes it touched my soul.
I am a giver.
Not a good taker.
I am humbled by others genuine touch and reminded of how lucky I am.

The doors flew open to greatness.

So many volunteers.

 

(my favorite picture of the night, my sons warm embrace and a smile to light the room)

So many friends.

Many familiar faces.

Many new.

Amazing that an extra chromosome can ignite a friendship in seconds.

I met a few new sisters, brothers too.

Ones that I will have for a lifetime.

We talked, we smiled, we laughed and some cried.

We were full of love and the sense of community.

(a new family from Poland, so lost- BUT now she has all of us...)

900 people graced our floor with acceptance and celebration on their minds, and in their soul.

Moms wept as they saw their miracles faces adorn our walls.

Weeping from Pride.

Tears of wet love and great dignity.

(some of Nate's fan club)

The night was amazing.

(proud to be friends, such beautiful friends I have inside and out!)

I was lifted by the power of people.

(this is Nate's friend Colin, his genuine bear hug will send warmth down your spine- magic in his touch)

I have never felt so loved or appreciated.

I am grateful that God chose me for this path.
 That I am able to share the gifts that I have worked so hard to achieve.
I am grateful that in my brief moments here on earth I am able to touch and be touched.

(my girls)

I have the voice and so do you.

(our children's art)

I am who I am.


And especially today,
like each and every day I am so friggen grateful.