Glitter on the Side: I'll cry if I want too.

Glitter on the Side: I'll cry if I want too.: Dammit it's MY birthday and I'll cry if I want too..... Remember when we were all excited to welcome another monumental day...with eager ...

I'll cry if I want too.

Dammit it's MY birthday and I'll cry if I want too.....


Remember when we were all excited to welcome another monumental day...with eager anticipation of notching one more number into our court?
Guess what?
Those days are officially over.
At least in my book.
I don't actually care about the number.
I do like the simple number 42, so if you don't mind I am gonna just stick with that, for now.

Another year?
Wiser?
Maybe....
I hope I learn from each passing year.
I know each year brings within it gifts of great love, unfortunate loss, experience, dreams, realities and opportunities.

But for me?
Holly is in constant worry...
Worrying about if I have done enough.
If my 24 hours x 365 days were spent with great meaning.
Hate to waste.
Heavy burden to take on?
Maybe, but its my burden and I'll cover it with a bit of glitter to disguise.

The month of March is mine, all mine.

I will shop with vigor and continue to look for the perfect black shoe.
I will eat any object covered in milk chocolate and worry about the calories in April. I will tell my friends how much I love them.
 I will squeeze in an extra second of hugs and kiss with my eyes wide open.

I live each day with a heavy coat.
Hoping to have achieved something even in the smallest of bits to help another.
To smile at someone who merely needs to be seen.
To say hello to a stranger that was about to give up hope.
To buy coffee for the woman scrounging for pennies on the bottom of her pocketbook.

I want to live a year in full blown Academy award style.
Grasping at all hopes and possibilities.
Raising awareness for those without a voice.
Helping my sisters and brothers get through the maze called life.
I just wanna help.
I just wanna do good.
I just wanna make a difference.
Each and every new year.

I want to let in more joy, more love, more textures more sound.

I want to be the lead singer in my very own lyrical concert and play the leading role with honesty and clarity.

I want the perfect bite of cake and the fresh spring air to slap me in the face.
I want to feel and be touched.
I want to give it back and watch it get planted.
I want to leave a mark.

What have I learned?

I have learned that California and my peeps there are truly my Nirvana.

I have realized that you cannot get what you want or need unless you ask.

If you ask (nicely) you will probably get it.

I have learned that I cannot drink with the big fish, Thank you Nashville.

I have learned that finding and keeping true friends is easy as long as you keep it real.

I have learned to accept goodness and to erase negativity and crabbiness from my entire life.

I have learned that if you dream it, it truly can be.

That with hard work, dedication and believing, it truly can HAPPEN.

I have learned that one person really can make a difference.

But my biggest lesson;

That this thing called life is way more fun and fulfilling if you include others on this long, winding journey.

My desire is to leave with this as my legacy.

She loved.
She lived.
She helped.
She smiled.
She gave.
She listened.
She danced by the beat of her own drum.
She included and embraced all.
She truly understood.

I didn't set out to save the world, or reinvent the wheel.

I did not set out to become a fierce activist or a leader of souls.

(I am who I am was gifted 400 blankets from Laura Ashley!)

(My dream is to work with the residents at Misericordia)

I did not intend to have a loud voice ,
or to never accept the word NO.

I set out just to live,
the only life I know how.

Another year,
full of endless possibilities.

I suppose I know what to do,
Continue with baby steps,
Looking for warriors to walk with me.
To hold my hand,
hold my back and embrace the future.

To protect what we have done and to appreciate where we are headed.

Fine, another birthday.

I got this.

I'll wipe my tears in the softest of suede and pass them onto someone else.

I will be at Nordstrom's in the shoe department.

Then I will be changing and creating my next 365 days ahead of me, my world,
one smile at a time.

What you gonna do for your birthday?

Its all in the words.

For me its all in the words.

I swear the hallmark cards and country songs have all been written about or for me.
They ring that bell, resonate in the inner ear like a pinprick reminding us of the beauty in words.
Just words.
Simple words.
Profound,
Gentle,
Lyrical,


Truthful,
Words.

Using them with no backup no meaning is deafening.
Free them from the bottom of your soul with powerful force and great meaning and they can change lives.

Forever.

Have you ever received a compliment?
A simple one, yet it lights you up like the White House Christmas tree?
A simple moment in time, where a stranger notices something delightful about YOU.
And gifts you with their words.
Truly Magical.

To me.

At times I may bestow my made up words to you.
Yep- I cannot spell and English as my first and only language appears to be my constant struggle.
But as the Norm Crosby of my generation,
I am speaking with honestly.
With passion and great love.

At times you tell me to breathe, to relax, to slow down.
Hahahahahahaha.

Its not who I am....
So many things to say, so little time.
If today was my last day?
RIGHT!!??

Hold nothing back.

Have no words left un-said.

I treasure words that are given to me as sacred as a little blue Tiffany box, more vital to my being than a bouquet of Gerber daisy's and more heartfelt that my favorite perfume.
Words.
The gifting of words.

I decided to reach out to an old friend the other day.
Not certain if she would remember me...


"Holly, not only do I remember you (duh!), but I follow your foundation and so admire what you do. I actually read your blog post about Nate's birth and was stunned (and saddened) by your experience. I can't believe what you've accomplished in a year!! Your message is so basic, yet profound, and relevant for all our kids. And I think your simple act of bringing blankets to hospitals is genius...what a gift to families. What a difference you are making!
I'm truly honored you thought to ask me to help. And I would love to. "

Look at what she gave me.

Certain days my cup truly runneth over. So I package these gifts into little compartments in my scattered little crazy head and reserve the right to open them when I need.



I am learning to gently remove the vast array of hollow, empty words as well.
The smoke blown up my tush by so many.
Not certain if they understand that words are meant to be real.
No poetic justice allowed in Hollys World.
 Just honesty.
Shoot from the hip.
 No filter.
Just real.
Bold.
Beautiful,
Everlasting.
Life changing,
Delectable,
Eternal,

Words.

I daily think about this...
"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."

BAM.

Absolutely friggen right on.

Make your letters that form into

melodic words count.
Gift them out freely yet honestly.

If that is all you can give,
Give it all.

If that's all you can give,
make it count.

If that's all you can give,
I'll take it with open arms.

Thanks to you...My world of friends.

Without you I could not move mountains, or change perceptions.
Being a rock star alone in my teeny bathroom is no jubilation.
Sharing our lyrical words gives us immeasurable status.

Love you peeps. Without you,
I would be talking to myself.
hah.

It really does bounce back...

There are days, weeks, months that just blend together. 
You dread the day, but when you're in it, it vanishes.
As quickly as a frozen snowflake as it hits the warm window shield.
Its gone.
Today I sit here on a gloomy Sunday...
Not gonna move for awhile.
 I'm going to cherish the gift of time right now and not waste a moment.

Its bouncing back.
Everything is bouncing back and today I want to bring it back up.
Hold it again and cherish the kindness.

In a months time.
So many things can chance.
New days, new beginnings.
New adventures take just one step.
New loves, begin with a simple hello.
Kindness at every corner comes back ten fold when given freely, honestly.

Hollys World.

A place that is surrounded by Silliness.
Great colors.
Mystic music.
Tangible moments.
Milk Chocolate.
Stinging smiles.
Gratitude.
Acceptance.
Kindness.
Shoes.
Glitter.
Powerful words.
Memories.
Depth.
Honesty.
Bravery.
Freedom.
Giving.
Smiles.

That's what I choose to surround me.

Kindness was once something I took for granted. If it was there, great.
If it wasn't....
I could walk away.

But as the years pass me by, simple kindness has such a profound impact on who I am.

It comes to me in neon.
Not able to dismiss.
It takes my breath away.


This month, I received in the mail a wonderful book from a brand new friend.  Yep- she was thinking of ME....she wrote beautiful words and gifted it all to me. 

How did I get so lucky?

Then a few coffee dates with some new friends that will forever be kept close. Wanting to spend their time with me.

I spent the day at Misericordia the other day.  I walked around with a heavy yet grateful heart. I was witnessing amazing beauty at every turn.  Mother Theresa kind of kindness.  Teachers that spent days on end to see even the smallest of achievements from her students. True kindness. Not because they had too. But because they wanted too.

I received a note from a National Blanket manufacturer. 

They LOVED I am who I am's message.
To accept and appreciate every special child...
So they donated.....
400 blankets.









Then just yesterday another bright light in my life dropped off some chocolate covered strawberries.  Just for me.

I'm starting to get this thing called life.
Its easier than I ever thought.

Be yourself.
Your genuine crazy ass self.

But don't forget to simply be kind.
Genuinely kind.

As I pay these gifts forward each and every day I am once again humbled.

Thank you never feels enough.

But LIVING the right way does.