Judge

Its funny just how much time I think about that word.
Judge.
To judge.
To be judged.

As you sit here reading,
be honest with yourself.

I will.

We all judge,
One way or the other.
Yet we despise when it is put upon ourselves.

I have a very multi colored memory of one of my first 'ah-ha' judging moments.  It happened a few years ago.  I was new to attending church...
I suppose the new walls were distracting to me at first.  I have come to realize that I can be at 'church' anywhere.
Any time.
In my own little scattered , dimensional hair colored head.

I sat in the 'crying' room, holding onto one of my million kids.
I thought I must stick out in these walls like a sore thumb.
I was the only one not kneeling.

Not making the sign of the cross,
not singing.
Just smiling with nervous recklessness.

I was in awe of all those who came to pray.
I was inspired and lifted.
Wow- a community that comes together.
Worships the same melodies.
Chants the same mantra's.
See's the same sign.

Not so fast.

I looked through the sheet of glass that separates the kids who cry from the adults who don't.

I was waiting for their kind eyes to meet,
the sweet connection between two people.


Ummmmm,
not so much.

There is was.

Judgement.

Not many greeted each other in the eye.
They looked up and down,
 at their neighbors shoes up to their combed over hair.

No hello's or how are ya's,
Just 'the look'.
The up and down scowl of dissatisfaction.
Holy SH*T.

Lets make this clear....this is not about RELIGION....as a Jewish gal from a town of 4 members,
us Jews certainly can put on the attitude.
'You're fur is out dated'....seriously.

We all do.

But at this moment it was a flash of light right in my cornea.
and it burned.

I have always had the "I don't care what ya' think about me" attitude.
Ask my mom, she'll tell you.

A rebel early on.

Wearing purple before any one else.
Rocking moccasins while all those wore Treetorns.
I never friggen cared.

This is where it may get grey.

I do care.

I don't care if you don't like my shoes. 
 I have plenty that you  would despise.
I don't care if my hair is too loud for your taste.
I don't care if my nose piercing is disturbing to you.

Its me,
That's all I can say.
That's really all I have to say!

But I do care if you judge me on the inside.

Pick me apart like a scarecrow on the outside layer...

Some one must have made you Queen for the day.

Be who you want to be.
Not what you want others to see.

I make wrong judgements all the time.
Covered in tattoo's?
Must ride a bike.

Men who wear Birkenstock's
must be a dork ( I am so sorry- I just had too)
( I really am sorry- its a shoe thing.  I just may never get over....)

80's hair,
stuck in a time warp.

I try to ignore that 'simple minded' girl in my head .
 I quickly erase my judgements and dig a bit deeper to see the real person.
I'm trying,

But,
What  about screaming kids in the table next to yours?
Terrible mom?
Nope, that child has Autism and is in sensory over load.

Your grocery bagger has Down Syndrome.
He must be slow.
Nope, his name is Nate and he reads at the same level as you.

The child in the wheel chair that takes awhile to cross the street.
You pity him....
NO- he is on his way to change the world.

I never received the badge from GOD that allows me to judge others.

Take the time that it takes to judge and use it to improve yourself.

Look inside yourself,
deep.
Take your rose colored-' I am perfect' glasses off and look at the new day.
Honest to God-
Some days people are just trying to kill me.

I am certain there are places within your puzzle that can be changed and  improved.

Truth be told- we really don't know each other all that well.

We keep ourselves hidden.
The real, raw, honest self.
Maybe we share it with our spouses, close friends or therapists.
But you don't really know me.
You don't know why I tick or how I tick.

How can you-
I'm a work in progress.
New day.
new lesson.


All you have to do is accept that I am.
I am exactly who I want to be.

So, is that young man that you just met at Jewel with a Mohawk not good enough to date your daughter?

He is  an honor student with desires to go onto Med school.
It may take him awhile because he daily takes care of his ailing mom.
But he will get there.

Bam,
You got that one wrong.

We ALL get many, many, many wrong.

So-
 Yesterday when my beautiful daughter modeled in a fashion show and decided to wear her glittery converse gym shoes instead of uncomfortable stilettos...


Don't ask why.

You can wear any damn shoe you choose.
But I'd go with my daughters choice.

No aching feet and she certainly tore up the dance floor.

Bam,
Try judging yourself next time.

We're not interested.