A brothers love....

Natie was merely a week old when the quotes started flying in.

The hallmark written words that usually stung my ears and brought painful tears that streamed down my face.
They all meant well.
They didn't know what to say...

Many words have etched there way into my brain, never to erase.

Some have stayed to help me in my journey others have stayed to haunt me...

But they are merely words, words that can cut deep like a knife through a cold pound of butter.

"God only gives you what you can handle"..."God chooses only the special parents"...."Your children will learn so much and become such amazing kids"...

I remember clearly my reply to the last..
"My kids are already amazing, we didn't need a lesson, we just wanted a baby"...

But it lingered in my head, for ALMOST 11 YEARS NOW....
"DO NOT BURDEN YOUR CHILDREN"...

Seriously, could people all take my simple message and merely say Congratulations, leave the gifts at the door and move on? 

Many years ago as all the kids were in the car, I asked them a simple question.
"If something happened to your dad and I, what would you do with Nate?"

  Funny but my middle man raised his hand first."I don't wanna  take care of him, I don't wanna take care of him now, why would I when he is older."

...Laughs surrounded my fear as I soaked in the obvious reality....
I was told to never ask that question. But Holly doesn't listen, ever...
The shock in the small white minivan quickly faded as my oldest and only daughter grabbed my heartstrings.
 "I will take care of him, duh"......

Fast forward,
 My memories can fill Soldier Field with the love, lessons and emotions that Nate has gifted to us...

This summer 2 of my children received jobs with the Chicago park district to work in our special needs camps.
Luke (My middle man) works close by and is able to hang with many of Natie's friends.

 Linsdey was placed farther away from home and with much older kids, (14-21) all the kids in her group have severe autism.
  Just because you have a brother with Down Syndrome certainly does not teach you how to work with kids with other special needs. She went in cold, somewhat frightened but her chin held high...

First day was a nightmare.
 A young man, with no communication skills, twice Lindsey's size and weight, got away from her.
Yep, walked into a strangers house, put his feet up on their coach and was not planning on moving any time soon.

Then the day at the zoo when a girl whacked the crap out of Lindsey during her melt down, and the following day 2 huge lumps in Lindsey's face....cold cocked and learning fast that this is not something many others could or would handle.

Yep, she came home every day, bruised with tears falling from her exhausted brow...

But to my surprise.
To my utmost pride, she went back, day after day.

I would listen to her frustration and her realistic fears. I would wait for her to say "I quit".
 I was ready.
But she didn't, she just got stronger.
I would tell her how lucky the kids were to have her there.
 If she were to leave, who would these kids have....???
Think about it, who would sign up for this knowing you would be walking into a boxing ring with your hands tied behind your back?

Damn I am proud of her,
Actually proud beyond measure...

In the past month I have seen my camp counselors talk to their brother differently. A bit more authoritative. Taking no back talk and teaching life lessons along the way.

Last night, on the rare occasion that we all could spend time together all 7 of us...Luke told me about this new scientific finding.
Doctors have pinpointed the exact 'mutation' in the Down Syndrome gene and can completely delete it in utero, taking away all traces of DS.

 I have read about this..talked about this and mostly I truly have no idea what this is all about. For some reason it turns my stomach...for reasons too personal to add.

I asked Luke what he thought.

Immediately he said it should be up to each parent.
Agreed.
"But don't you think majority of peeps would delete the 'abnormality' if given the choice?"
"Not if they have met Nate they wouldn't.".
WOW-
Ok.

"Nate is not gonna have an easy life, we don't have an easy life..."
"So, he is worth it...."
Ok....

"Nate's future is gonna be a difficult road..."

Luke stops me short, gives me the 16 year old look of disgust and says, "Mom if people were to meet Nate they wouldn't change a thing. His life will be fine, and so will ours. God mom, its Nate he's just fine the way he is."

Lord have mercy you got me there son.

No rose colored glasses in site.
Just our reality.
They heard me, they really heard. me.

Hitler wanted a blue eyed blonde arion nation...

I want a nation filled with differences, technicolor oddities, imperfections.
 Down Syndrome, red heads, brown eyed wonders.

No soap box here for me, just my reality.

Real talk-
 I am scared to death about Nate's future, and quite frankly mine.
I will never lie about that.
If given the time to think about all things, I would crack.
Probably unwind from the beginning and unravel spiraling into a psychedelic mess.
Hah- I don't think staying tuned off of reality is the answer, I just chose to not wallow in things out of my control.

I am also scared to death to let my 18 year old son go off to college next month.

So that's the best I can do.
Teach and educate the best I can.

I can raise a basketball team full of kids and show them that being different is a gift.

To be loud enough to cause a ruckus and have people take notice.

If Lindsey wasn't there to guide these kids, would you be there?

It takes a village my friends, it takes a nation.

Get off of your lazy boy and turn off the Kardashions,
Help us.
Help to guide our kids,
Lend a hand,
open a door.
Work at making this place a better, gentler place for all of us to live.
Live together as one....
Do not change me for who I am, but merely accept me for who I am......
 

If I was offered the chance to change anything about Nate I would probably ask for his stubborn back talking, foul mouthed behavior to soften.
But to change that Simeon crease, his slanted eyes, the short bridge of his nose, his short and stubby hands, his hi palette and his low muscle tone, I wouldn't.
It would then erase his ability to turn  a stranger into a friend, a kiss that melts your heart, a hug that fits right into your soul and the bluest eyes that hold all of life's joys and possibilities inside.


One smile, one hand, one lesson at a time.

I am who I am.
Yep~ I certainly am.