venting

Its gonna get ugly today. 
Short and sweet and hopefully straight to the point.
I'm gonna vent.
Why?
 Because I can.

What lovely words I receive from my reading audience. 

Mostly private.

Unfortunately, not to be shared.

But all inspiring, beautiful, thoughtful comments.

One stands out to me,

A friend from back in the day.
Kinda too cool.
Untouchable.
High on the ladder.
Back in the day.
Now even bigger, bolder.
He is actually 'Somebody'.
He writes to tell me "Thanks".
"Thanks for sharing myself with him."
Wow.
 (I love how time and growing up puts us all on the same playing field)

I am lucky to be surrounded by lots of smoke.  It clouds you up just enough to think you are on the right path.  We all doubt ourselves.  I just pray that the doubt stays quiet and a bit hidden.
You must stay focused on the prize. Yep- A kind word goes a long frigging way.
 So, why is it that it takes just ONE?
One single non believer to poke a hole in your faith.
Please don't tell me that it shouldn't bother me....I know what Dr. Phil would say.
 But be honest with yourself.  When you feel passionate about something...The nay- sayer's can rip right threw you.
 Sometimes you feel as though you are standing alone. 
Naked.
 Raw.

Why shouldn't I dance in the rain?  Eat the last bite of chocolate?  Have a martini on Tuesday or dress in sparkles? 
Be exposed.
Honest.
Who will it hurt?
Why not live to my fullest potential~  after all,   its only up to me.  
 Its my  play.  You only get ONE shot.
I am the only actress in my life story.
 Shouldn't I be able to write it any damn way I want?

After a friend read my 'Reunion' blog he said, "What would possess you to put that on there?"
(I think he meant the photos from 30 years ago....I can still drean can't I?)

Huh?
Wait?
What?
Seriously?
Ummmmm- Have you not heard me?
My "I am who I am" mission is gonna need to be a little louder.
I almost threw up. 
Bile was close to the top...Maybe I should have just clocked him.


Okay- Game on. 
I shouldn't give a rats ass what 1 person (fine maybe a few) think...
Judge someone that is interested. 
You don't like it?

 You don't approve? 

You don't understand.

Then turn away.
Don't look.
Don't listen.
Don't read it.
Don't pretend to walk with me.
But judge me? 
Nope.

Loud, manic, joyous, silly, fierce, glittery, bizarre,  bright, bold, childish, artistic, loving, funny, cocky, tall, brave,open minded, proud, loyal, passionate and kind.
A powerful mom of 5.  A warrior making a difference. 
If only in my own mind.

I am who I am.

"What possesses me?"


Maybe I should have just clocked him.......