What the Hell am I doing?

Small panic attack today.

Thank God for my posse of friends that guide me through it.

They believe in me.

Some days I feel so humble.

Not able to see clearly.

What the hell am I doing?

I remember vividly walking into my father's room as he was watching a black and white old Western on t.v.

I shared with him my woes.

They seemed enormous back in the day.
Like a broken heart.

Or a bad grade.

Too big for that little blond haired,

blue eyed girl to handle alone.

I thought I was drowning with worry.

It was immediately bandaged with "every things going to be just fine."
And it was.

Faith.

Another day came.
Remembering my dads voice as I face a new challenge.

I know I will be just fine.

So what if I can barely breath.

Cuz' truth be told-

 I'm scared to death.

Dipping your toe in.
Taking a risk.
Rolling life's dice.
Holding your breath.

Closing your eyes and
believing.

I may walk tall.
Be brave,

 fierce,

and excited.
(that's truly just who I play on t.v.)

But my next chapter.
My new direction.
Has me shaking in my dazzling kick ass cowboy boots.

"I am who I am" has launched.
Today.
Grass roots.
Right off of my crumb filled,
sticky,
kitchen table.

My very own Foundation.

I can hear the theme song.

Sung by Taylor Swift.

The melody reminds me of acceptance.

The poetry reads as clear as the Constitution.

Her voice triggers us to love.

unconditionally,

brave,

silent,
honest,
accepting,
wide eyed,
raw
DOWN SYNDROME
Love.

I'm ready.
I think.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.
Hell-
All our lives.

I will carry the load.
I will fight the fight.
I will walk in.
Blow the damn doors down and take them all with me.
I will be the voice.
The loudest one.

Today is the beginning of acceptance.
To live as one.
To never hear an "I'm sorry for your baby' ever again.

To not actually be counted.

TO JUST BE APART OF.

I am the new leader.

Crap I am scared.
(or I am in the midst of a heart attack)

My "I am who I am" foundation has begun.

I have nothing to study.
This is my life.

I just want to share.
To give.
To celebrate and rejoice.

How did I get here?

I have no friggen idea.

Gods plan.

They say.

The first steps will be tricky,

as me feet feel like they are sticking to the floor.

But I have a vision.

To live in a world where we only accept

what is rightfully ours.

Being different is a gift.

Lets unwrap and let the celebration begin.

To all those who believe in me.

I owe you,

my everything.

I will make you proud.
I have too.

This is my life.


(But first I must have a tall glass of wine...)


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