The happiness project

Gonna try real hard to not get too sappy on this one. 
You all know how much I love this subject..."Gotta feel happy to be happy". 
Well, Gretchen Rubin got there before I did.  Her best selling book came out a while back.  It was recommended by a million clients.
Had to get it.

Had to read it.

 Had to learn something.

"The Happiness Project"

The book started off with a bang.  Nothing learned that I didn't already know.  You know the drill, 'We learned everything in Kindergarten'.  

She wrote poetically. 

I was able to achieve a few 'a-ha' moments and was refreshed. 

My first lesson was to 'Be Holly'.

Not the Holly that I want to be.

Nor the Holly I thought I should be.

Not the girl with the fake eyelashes and the kick ass cowboy boots.

But the real deal.

Yowza- good luck finding her.

Hiding behind smoke and mirrors is one of my favorite things to do.
 The bells and whistles are my daily nourishment's.
It took a little soul searching to find her.
She was sitting on a saggy kitchen chair.
Typing furiously with one finger.
No make up on.
No hair gel in sight.
Button of her jeans were undone and the 6 inches of child-birth reminders was hanging over the top.
She was giggling.
Smiling.

Exhausted.

She's here.

I really am glad to know her.  She is one bonified nut job.  Full of glitter and hanging on by a thread at times.  But pretty cool.

I learned to let it go.  Let it all go.

The dreams of a life I thought I was supposed to have. 
To say good-bye to relationships that held no hope.
To focus on possibilities.


 I focused on my life now.
 Erasing the past hopes and replacing them with future goals.
I already knew that by 7 a.m. everyday I had the choice.
 To roll out of bed with a smile and positive outlook to a new day .

 Or wither in pain from my lack of spine cushioning and arthritic joints.

Every friggen day I HAVE THAT CHOICE.
Pretty cool.
A serious gift.

 My friggen choice.

I was reminded to lighten up.
 To not sweat the small stuff.
 Raising 5 kids is no picnic. There is never enough money.  Not enough time. 
Always several balls in the air.
 Juggling with one arm tied behind your back.
I did not get the manual when I left the hospital. 
I will continue to do the best I can.
Mistakes along the way.

But laughing through what doesn't kill me.

I was reminded to surround myself with what makes me stronger.

 Positive people...yada yada yada...But happy things too.

Like having milk chocolate in the house at all times.
An amazing fresh scent in the shower.
Cotton socks.

A kick ass pair of senseless shoes (maybe more than one.)
A comfy pillow.

Holly can get annoying. 
I get it. 
She lives large all the time. 
Spends too much.  Eats the last bite.
Shops, talks, creates, paints, reads, travels,
moves ..
always in search of more.

Kind of exhausting. 

But I don't want a life that I am just satisfied.
I want to see more.
To taste more.

To hear more.

Fantasize more.

Be more.

To feel more.

and most of all,

To Love more.

Why not?

 Its Holly's world.

Not yours.

You can create you're own.

Paint your own picture.

All you need is time.

Kindness in all forms brings on great happiness. 

 It bounces back ten-fold.  A kind word travels miles.  A touch, a smile can fill someones soul for eternity.

Why not give it more freely.

It costs nothing, and the rewards are priceless.
Slap on a smile.
Say hello.
Look me in the eye.

"Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace."  Buddha.

I love to give. 
Give big. 
My time. 
My energy.
 My wisdom.
 My strengths.

Giving of ones self,   is free.

It  feeds what may be missing in yourself.
 Its not about money. Its about kindness.
"I have found that among other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver."  Maya Angelou.

The Author of the Happiness Project asked her readers to go back in time.  To remember what made them happy as a child.  To return to that place.
I took some time on that one.

Tap dancing? 

 Nope. 

 Bowling?

Nope, nails too long.

Barbies?

I came up with painting.

I used to paint.  (This line always brings me back to the 'Notebook'.  Remember when she says "I used to paint!"  and her fiance said "then paint.")

Duh.

I was met with extreme opposition at my house when I arrived home with paints and canvas in hand.  Really? 

Who asked you?

Doubters and haters step aside- I have no room for you.

My first painting was done.

  Still no applause.

My next painting.  

 Maybe a chuckle here and there from the peanut gallery.

 (it is actually hung in a kindergarten classroom.)

Third then fourth...OH- I love painting.

It doesn't take me back to 11 years old.  But it  does fulfill some small void.  A finished canvas is magical.

Don't really care if I'm not on my way to the Art Institute.

I'm happy.

 I have discovered that I am,

an author.

Published and read.

I am an activist.

Heard and listened.

I am a giver.

Of my time and money.

I am a painter.

A stylist.

A mom.

A caregiver,

and even a

Rock Star.

Seriously.

Maybe I have conjured that up in my head.

I don't play an instrument.

I sang in a band.

Fine, that was 30 years ago.

I think I sound like Pink while in the shower.

I may make up my own lyrics.
But I'm happy.

I am a firm believer that YOU are YOU.

What ever and whom ever that may be.

As long as that person is kind.

Gracious and giving.

You are on the right path.

"Dreaming about being and actress, is more exciting than being one."  Marilyn Monroe.

I was almost finished with the book.  I loved every part of it.
But then I came to the chapter on Catastrophe's.

The Author went on to say that in order to really be happy, you must see how bad it could get.
 Appreciate your life by realizing how small your problems are.

Yuck.
 Kinda not my idea of happy reading.  But I got the point.
She was going on vacation and was bringing along 3 books on Catastrophe's.
The first book was on Cancer.
The 2nd book was on Brain Tumors.
The 3rd book.

(Take a deep breath)

The 3rd book of catastrophes was on....
Having a child with down Syndrome.
WHAT?
Wait- I was waiting for the Tsunami.
OR War.
WTF.

Your idea of great tragedy is having a Down Syndrome child?

I threw the book across the room. Called Miss Gretchen  a few choice words....
Holy cow-

I thought I liked her.

Don't try to change my mind on her ignorance.  Yes the lesson here is that God knew Not to give her the greatest gift of unconditional love.The book got tossed in the trash.

But I did walk away with a few wonderful lessons.

 Happiness is in the eye of the beholder.

I cannot change you.

Only myself.

I choose to live a happy life.  To surround myself with goodness.  To give till my last day.

To BE THE CHANGE I WANT TO SEE.

Kiss my happy ass Gretchen.