Re -born

Someone once told me that I was reborn the day my 5th child was born. I kinda think he was right. Well, maybe not reborn, maybe a huge knock upside my head. An amazing wake up call.  Either way, I am awfully thankful.

It was 9 years ago when my son entered the world.

  My 5th baby.
Looking forward to another simple birth and returning home (to probably make dinner).
The room was full of great anticipation. Nate was breach.  I had gone for acupuncture, Chinese therapies and massage to turn the baby, but to no avail.

 But by some miracle, this little knuckle head turned at the last minute.
 This lead the way to a huge celebration in the room (cheering the loudest was my husband- happy that my recovery would be quicker and I would be up and doing laundry faster. Yep you heard me right). 

Nathaniel was born quickly,
 but I did not hear him cry.
Not a peep.
 I would not lose my focus on the doctor as I was definitely not going to pay attention to the silence.

  Moments felt like eternity.
I saw my husband put down the camera to give the nurse a puzzled look. She in turn nodded, and that was my red light to freak out.
The silence in the room was deafening.
The looks were as cold as ice. What in God's name was going on?  Dan turned to me within minutes of Nate's arrival, slowly and softly he came to me and said "Hol, I think our son has Down Syndrome."
My legs began to shake and I went into some strange shock. The celebration quickly turned into the darkest moments in my life.
The Doctor apologized, the nurses would not look at me and despair filled that once joyous room with toxins.

 I followed their lead.
 They were all so sad, so sorry...BUT why? They must have been telling me that Nate was not going to make it. Why else would you be sorry? Enter the mourning stage.